Lost Heaven

I'll admit to who I am

The day I come to understand

I haven't got a clue

Been searching for a few years now

Well if I don't repeat myself

Then I'll change into someone else

Well I don't quite know who

Been searching for a few years now

I'm over it

Yeah behind me now

I'm just over it

Over it

Yeah I'm finding out

I'm just over it

No I don't know what's over just yet

But I won't go slow and time can let the mind forget

Don't tell me you don't know

Already

(Don't tell me you let go

Already)

~~ Over It ~ Relient K

Well. It's winter break. Lost the RS Competition. Whoo. Haven't started my English Research Paper Rough Draft. Whoo. Haven't updated FF.Net. Whoo. Haven't started trying to get taller. Whoo. Been staying up until midnight on the computer. Whoo. Messed up several times on GPX+. Whoo. Pissed off my mom again. Whoo.

How can I fuck up next?

How many times

Can I push it aside

Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most

So thye leave me alone

Move on with my life

Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright

It'd rather forget and not slow down

Than gather regret for thing things I can't change now

If I become what I can't accept

Resurrect the saint from within the wretch

Pour over me and wash my hands of it

~~ Forget And Not Slow Down ~ Relient K

These days of break are the perfect times to change my rather pessimistic (in other's opinion, realistic in mine) view of the world. (I'm not the only one though most are other's are whmysical and centering on 2012.) Perhaps Black Friday I shalt find something motivating.

I'm going to kick ass at the next SAT. I'm going to study. For real.

But first, a few dozen U.S. history vocabulary words.

And on another note, I have discovered that on my dad's side, I have ancestors from England, Canada, Ireland and more close to home, New Jersey. So I am Taiwanese, Irish, English, Canadian and an American. Fascinating, no?

Is there something else out there

Hidden in a strand of hair

So far beneath the surface, I need I need to get there.

I paint a picture of my self ten years from now

Sitting in the same old chair. It's all too familiar.

I need to climb out this tree

My knees begin to bleed

I'm afraid of heights but your purple eyes

Make it easy.

When I'm with you I know I'm safe

From the ground below that shakes

Will you kiss me and hold me tight

So I'll make it through the night.

~~ Through the Night ~ After Midnight Project

I need more time to get my stuff done. Have to do homework (English and Chinese), study for SAT II, do all of my computer stuff, eat, shower, and sleep. Need more time.

We're either running away from nothing fast

Falling down until we finally clash

My god, Oh my god

Can you help me feel anything

I'm lost in a city of vultures, mobs and pigs

Eating away at every thing

Sometimes I wish I was never born

In Hollywood I get so scared

I don't know how to walk

I'm always running unprepared

I'm losing my hope

I'll sell my self for an hour of fame

I know it's a shame

But I don't care

'Cause you forget who you are when you come to Hollywood

I've been dreaming about a world out there that's just so beautiful

I've been thinking about a world out there that's just so beautiful

It's just so beautiful

To me

~~ Hollywood ~ After Midnight Project

Going to study for SAT II and Chem test. It's easy to just let go but I don't want to. Also have to start using eye drops. And I have to do Chinese HW. No fun at all. Need more time.

I'm sick of searching

I'm sick of wanting

I'm sick of dreaming

I'm sick of being.

I need an opinion

I need a direction

I feed on deception

I lead to destruction.

I just need you to need me

I just want you to know...

~~ Something Sweet ~ After Midnight Project

I want to change but I need more time than has been given to me. I feel it's already too late; my life is already on a downward spiral. I wish to stay in my own world, to not go beyond its borders. But I have no choice. I wish I had someone who understood. All I can do now is write.